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Jan 22 2013
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Hmmm.., Smart Ass

I can understand why you are mad at me, but the horse I rode in on had nothing to do with it.

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Jan 19 2013
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Smart Ass, WTF?

I’m ready to go on Oprah to admit doping in 1989.

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Jan 18 2013
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One to grow on, WTF?

A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious.”

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Jan 18 2013
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Hmmm.., WTF?

I have a fear of speedbumps, but I’m slowly getting over them.

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Jan 18 2013
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Smart Ass

“Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, yep, yep, uh huh, uh huh, ok, love you too, bye”: Man side of every phone conversation with his wife.

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Jan 18 2013
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Hmmm.., One to grow on, WTF?

I always keep a golf club by the side of my bed when I’m asleep. Just so if anyone breaks in, they’ll know I play golf and that I’m too boring to have anything worth stealing.

Jan 18 2013
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Hmmm.., One to grow on, Smart Ass, WTF?

What a shocking and upsetting day! Found a letter in the mail this morning that read “If you ever want to see you’re wife alive again, leave $100,000 in unmarked bills in the trash can on the corner of Main Ave and 1st Street”. Seriously, does anyone know the difference between ‘your’ and ‘you’re’ anymore?

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Jan 18 2013
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WTF?

My favorite vegetable is bacon.

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Jan 17 2013
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Smart Ass, WTF?

Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!

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Jan 17 2013
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Hmmm.., Smart Ass, WTF?

Kudos Lance Armstrong, for finally having the balls to come clean! Too soon?

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